A Diary of the Mundane and Mediocre

Archive for February, 2011

09 February 2011: Jobs

Today I got an email from Simon Giles who is the operations manager for Big Box Storage. His email explained that I did not meet the requirements to work for Big Box Storage in a role that required me to speak and type, often at the same time. What am I doing wrong if I cannot even get an interview with these companies? I wish I knew, however like numerous of other companies Big Box Storage has got into the culture of telling people, ‘that due to the high volume of applicants we are unable to give any feedback at this point’. At this point! Does that mean that I will be able to get some feedback at some other time, tomorrow? Next week? Perhaps on my death-bed, though at this rate dying on a bed seems like an aspirational dream, I’ll probable die on a mound of dirt with a family of worms that I have been raising as my own weeping at my mound side..(do worms have eyes?). Big Box Storage was one of my new year applications and is the first to reject me. I now look forward to a series of other letters from like-minded companies seeking to frustrate me further. But it is ok, I am not actually as frustrated as this post is making me sound. I am fairly up beat today. I don’t really ask for much, maybe I should become a professional nudist.


08 February 2010: Today was a good day, then I found this and it got better.

Today I finally got some work. That all so useful skill of filing finally paid off. 3 hours of sorting through pages and pages of architectural paper work were skillfully put in order and filed away by my nimble digits. It was a great feeling to get up at a normal hour and walk into Croydon with Emma something that hitherto had not been done. Should 3 hours of work go on my CV? Answers below thank you.

Spent the afternoon with Pockets (pictured), which was pleasant. We talked and conversed about various things, but what came up time and time again was how in debt we were. I think it ended with us trying to prove who was the most in trouble financially like it was a badge of honor. Even though deep down we were both crying inside. He’s ill at the moment so give him all the sympathy that you can muster.

Pockets

 

So thus far the day has been great. A tantalising little taster of what the future might hold if a charitable employer see’s fit to take a chance on me. But before I wallow, as is usual, in the misery that normally acquaints this blog, I must show the video that made my day. You may have seen it already ( I don’t care), you might not have (you’re in for a treat), but I love it. And, if you knew me in the 1990’s you will know that playmobil has special significance with my britpop days…oh and its Joy Division, which is always nice.

Told you it was good. Now for the original….it’s always nice to compare.


05 February 2011: TV Catch up and possibly the best action film ever

This week has been the most boring of the year so far. When I have tried to fill it with it productivity, updating blogs and applying for work and what not. But these tasks have been fairly quick to accomplish. What I am left with is an endless hours sitting in front of terrible day time television hoping that someone other than a debt collection agency will call and offer some reprieve from the boredom. What I failed to realise is that since Christmas I have been hoarding hours upon hours of quality TV of which Boardwalk Empire is but one. So this week when I have finished with the applications, tweaked my C.V to every job available. I can sit down with a nice mug of tea and watch Nucky Thompson battle Arnold Rothstein for the control of Atlantic City.

On a completely different note. A friend of mine sent this to me. It’s a sequence of action scenes from the film Endhiran (2010) directed by the Indian super-director Shankar. I have not seen the whole movie, but based on this clip I have to say that this might be the best action film ever. Where it seems that any idea no matter how ludicrous has been accepted and put into the film. The rollerskating robots is a personal favorite. Enjoy, it is simply brilliant!


04 February 2011: Thank God for the Onion

When did the Americans become better at topical news than the British? I have always prided myself in Britain’s long and wonderful career in Satire. But it seems like we have lost our crown to the Americans. The last really good effort, in my opinion, was by Marcus Brigstock when he hosted the Late Edition. Charlie Brooker has perhaps taken the reigns as Britain’s leading TV topical news satirist. But his attempt to move his Screenwipe format into Channel Four’s 10 O’clock show has failed. Perhaps its is because his 5 minutes of rants doesn’t quite fit in with how his fellow hosts work, it just seems out of place. He is much better suited to working on his own, as his current BBC Two show brilliantly illustrates . Even at the end when they all sit around the table talking about the hot topics and the newspaper headlines, he is lost by the quick wit of David Mitchell, and the loud Jimmy Carr. All in all the 10 O’clock show is a fairly ok attempt at news satire, but it is hardly hard-hitting, its more middle of the road, a Have I got News for you in Jon Stewart’s clothing. It doesn’t provoke the same responses or challenges our preconceived ideas like Chris Morris did in The Day Today and Brass Eye. For me Satire is supposed to challenge, and make the viewer think in new profound ways. British Satire has become diluted. But then maybe middle of the road is what they are going for, in that way they can attract a host of front bench politicians.

I think I would like to see Private Eye try its hand at Television. In the age of digital TV surely it cannot be too hard to embark on half an hour of hard-hitting cutting edge satire. You could even keep it web-based which Armando Iannucci and Steve Cogan have recently shown with great success. In the United States the Onion has succeeded in making the transition from written satire to television, and is doing it remarkably well as these illustrate.


04 Febuary 2011: This made me laugh

 


04 Febuary 2011: Should I stay or should I go?

When I was a younger man unemployment was a fairly easy problem to solve. You would go down to the job centre, agency, take a look at the local rag, you could even drop C.V’s in to office buildings and the chances are that you will find some work. I remember popping into the Job Centre in the mid 1990’s and walking away with an extra’s part in a Volkswagen polo advert. At which point my friend Luke and I proceded to get extremely drunk on gin. I think you can see him…or me in the first few seconds of the Ad.

Anyway I digress. My point is the ease that you would find work would be…well it would be fairly easy. Today, if you were to pop into an office with a C.V. you will recieve strange looks and be told that you can only apply via  an online application or by emailing you C.V to them. This leaves you with a major problem. How do you make your C.V. stand out among the others in the C.V. Tsunami.

This week I have written two C.V’s both of which I am not very happy with. But without sending them off how do I know they are any good. Previously I have given them to friends to look at. But I have found that everybody gives completely contradicting advice. If I followed all the adivce my C.V would look like a Picasso.

Going to the Job Centre is equally pointless. All their jobs are posted online these days so there is no point going into the hive of scum and villany that is the Dingwall Road Job Centre. Of course they are there to provide a service, but I am hard pressed to see what that service is. It can’t possibly be for advice, because the chances are the monotone monosyballic advisors will no doubt be less informed than you are. Of course you might go in to sign on, collect benefit, live of the state etc. But I don’t do these things. Thankfully.

Agencies are even worse, you jump through hoops for them for very little reward. Last year I worked 76 hours a week for an agency and when I protested at an increase they got rid of me. I think a working day of 7am til 9pm every day 6 days a week is too much for anyone. Arseholes.

So the question is, Should I stay, or should I go? There seems little point in venturing in to the outside world to find work, after all everything done to find work is at your fingertips these days. The person to person dynamic has gone. But if I don’t leave the house more I think I will go mad. I am already getting frustrated and angry at the simplest things. Poor Emma, look what she has to live with.


03 Febuary 2011: How to make the perfect cup of tea!

INGREDIENTS

1 x Mug

1x Tea Bag

Sugar (optional)

Milk

 

 

 

METHOD

To make this national drink you need to have all your ingredients ready. First get the mug of your choice out. You can pick these up from all good homeware shops. But I prefer to use a mug that has some sort of comical reference on it. That way your mug of tea will always be personal to you. Once you have your mug ready it is time to boil the kettle. This can take anything from 2 to 3 minute, so while you wait you can get on with preparing the rest of your ingredients. Take your mug, and place the teabag at the bottom, I tend to use Tetley but you can use any you like (The ones with the monkeys are also nice).

Right, now its time for your sugar. 3/4’s of a teaspoon should be satisfactory, too little and the bitterness of the tea will come through, too much and your teeth will rot in the mug. Once you have mastered the art of sugaring your tea, you will be able to do away with the teaspoon and you should be able to throw it in from a great height like everyone’s favorite twat Jamie Oliver. Now for the tricky bit, once the kettle has boiled you need to transfer the hot water into the mug. With your teaspoon carefully lift the teabag to about half way up inside the mug then pour the water over it, when the water in the mug has reached the teabag slowly lift the bag in time with the rising water. This allows for the tea leaves inside the bag to circulate and work at their best. Add milk at the end, stirring as it pours. Stop when it reaches the perfect tea colour.

 

Mmmmmmmmm Tea!